New blog times

I am no longer with wordpress. It’’s cool, I’m just fucking a cooler and hotter blog now.

http://johnliveslife.blogspot.com/

I respond to a long comment….

A lot of things are not clear here. You haven’t defined what ‘love’ is. Whether is an emotion, or an action taken, whether it relates three-way (you, your neighbour and God-Logos-the infinite), the four different modes of love, etc.

A good and fair point. Love is both the emotion you feel and express as well as the actions you take because of it.

Also, I don’t understand the connection you’re making with religion and pick up. I think there’s something disingenuous about you forming connections with these two. I would agree with you that religion is not the antithesis to sex, nor does it claim to be. The Judeo-Christian tradition for example, celebrates it, very graphically in the Song of Songs. However, the Judeo-Christian,while it celebrates sex, it condemns sexual promiscuity.

Not all views of pickup/seduction are laden in promiscuity. Some people choose to be promiscuous, polyamorous, “open-relationship” people, and a great number of folks get into this so that they can have ONE girlfriend. There is no hard and fast rule in any of the “Community” I’ve seen that mandates you must be promiscuous.

There are many scriptural references that contradict your idea that ‘religion and pick-up are interconnected’, at least with the case of this tradition. And I use this as an example because this tradition has a text that people can refer to and are familiar with.

There are also many Community texts and companies which contradict and disagree with me. I think that’s actually pretty awesome.

Also, are you sure it’s ‘love’ you’re sharing with that turbo blonde? If it’s love, can you share it with, say, a gay man who might need sex from you? Can you share it with a 65 yearold lady…a lady who hasn’t been experienced sexual pleasure in a long time? If not then, does that suggest that they are not attractive, and thus not lovable? If you are being zealous about sexual love and sharing it with as many girls as possible, then there should be some solid consistency here–if you say that having sex with numerous girls is just an expression of a burning, abundant love that desires to engulf indiscriminately, then it should not show favoritism to those turbo blondes. Enthusiasm should be present when having sex with a 70 yearold granny as it is when you’r ehaving sex with a 22 yearold hot college chick, no?

Yes, enthusiasm should be present and consistency does abound. If I were gay, and a man wanted sex and I found him appealing, I’m sure it would happen. The same is true if I were surrounded by the elderly. I’m not being zealous about the sharing of sex, I’m zealous about the sharing of love. Sex is a method, a way, an act that can display, demonstrate and convey that love.

Sex and love are not synonyms. Sex is an act. Love is a feeling.

The love I have for my family is not sexual in nature. I’m not looking to snog my cousin, nor am I looking to get my groove on with my great aunt. There are a bevy of religions, philosophies and methodologies which intertwine sex-as-love to safeguard against intrusions onto their morals. (ie some religions don’t want you having sex before marriage, so they demonize it). I’ve chosen to look past the idea that one teaching is “more perfect” than the others, and discover for myself what I believe.

I’d like to believe what you wrote here, but I can’t help but think of it as hippy psychobabble-poetry. I think love is a deep thing, and it deserves more attention that you what you gave here.

I look forward to reading your thoughts, perhaps on your own blog? True, it does deserve plenty of attention, and in time I’ll give it more.

I sincerely appreciate your comment and thank you for writing something that promoted thought.

I do love readers and comments.

Love Abundant

I realized this afternoon, as I was watching rain soak my lawn, that even in shitty weather, I love it. And through loving my lawn, I learned I have a capacity for love that far outstretches just some vagina or just the ability to get vagina.

This is probably going to be very headspacey, very mystical, and very very “hippy shit”. And that’s fine. You call it whatever you need to, I’m calling it something profound.

I started tying all the strings together.

Which strings?

1. The basic backbone of spirituality and religion
2. The fundamental drive in pickup
3. The absolute best way to live life
4. The feeling, that now I’m living life “correctly”.

Religion and spirituality aren’t divorced from pickup. Just because they are not active ingredients in the mix does not mean you, the spiritually motivated and centered person cannot apply those principles from your choice of belief systems. First though, you have to look past that all-too-often conclusion that “it’s just about sex”. It isn’t. Maybe for some people it is. But for some, it’s not. Painting life with such broad strokes is like saying everyone who works a job is in it for the money. Are they, really?

“Love your neighbor.” Yes, some literalists are going to say that pickup is all about actually loving your neighbor (and her daughter), but consider for a moment the basis of even that love. Sexual love, even in the most barbaric or most animal way is predicated on attraction. And attraction, distilled down has an element of love in it. (Are you attracted to people you truly hate?) You approach people out and about with love in your heart (that inner smile is love, kids) and love is everywhere. See? Religion isn’t the antithesis of sex. (Should I point out the variety of religions that advocated sexual worship as a way to enlightenment?)

All religions, even the remote ones encourage interconnectedness. An understanding of that relationship is CRUCIAL to pickup. If you don’t know the impact of your actions, if you’re clueless as the ripples in the pond one motion can cause, you’re going to end up missing something. Religion teaches us that. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to grow.

Do I advocate one religion over another? No, I want you to grow as people. The choice is yours.

The fundamental drive in pickup for new guys is “to get laid”. Sometimes, there’s a sob story or revenge tale to accompany that lust, but people get here to get their rocks off. But why then do people stay in it for years? Does it truly take YEARS to get laid?  There must be something deeper, something more personal that keeps people around.

Love keeps people around. Love of the challenge. Love of the rewards. Love of the skills. Love of the women…love of the self they’ve discovered. Without love, you have no reason to stay. The frustrated don’t stick around too long, do they?

In living your life, whether that’s by a strict regimen, or by constantly evolving practices, you must always live by your values. Even if you cannot identify those values, you’re still living by them. (Giving them a name only gives them focus). Suppose you were to live in opposition to your values, there are still greater values that would guide you. No matter how great the rebellion you wage against the values of others imposed on you, there’s at least one value that keeps you going.

Love. You might hate the way you’re socially conditioned. Or you might hate the way your old man raised you. You might hate the way you live, or the habits you have….you might even hate living. You can even choose death, and there’s still love there — misguided, but you allege that you love people so much that you choose to not live. However, if you truly loved them, you’d understand that your absence would hurt, so therefore you must continue to love them. And yourself.

I spent YEARS (decades actually) trying to find the “right way” to live. I wanted to find some recipe or step-by-step manual to tell me what I had to. I wanted someone else to have done all the work, and all I had to was follow the footsteps. Fearful, anxious and feeling like I’d be constantly alone, I waited and spent too long looking for completion.

What I principally missed was love. I didn’t love myself, I barely loved people, and I certainly didn’t love any of the situations I was in. The situations I got myself into. The situations that I was shocked were happening. I did that to myself. All of it. All because I put my love in the wrong things. Very little (if any) went to myself, where it should have gone all along. I see that now, and as if by miracle, I’ve found a storehouse of love that keeps growing and growing and begs to be shared.

The best way to live? With love. It’s oxygen. Above all things, there is love. It’s key to every door. It’s the brick and mortar of all you build. It’s the fingerprints you leave behind. It’s your legacy. If you want to live “correctly”, embrace love.

Love yourself. Love others. Love all. Love without fear. Embrace all those changes, however scary. Get out there and live. Don’t wait for others to dictate, and certainly don’t wait for others to tell you what you love.

Love from square one. Love fully. That’s the best part of all this. There’s no meter or ideal ratio love. Whatever you put it, you get back a thousand times over. And if people don’t return that love…you have 2 options:

1. Get angry, believe them to be idiots or unworthy of your love
2. Give them more time

The supreme arrogance that #1 requires is staggering. Look at the pedestal you just put yourself on. How’s the air up there? Just knock that off. It’s making me laugh. Don’t be silly.

(hey that was 1000 words, let’s smile and reflect for a minute…)

People need time. Time if they’re going to do their best. Time if they’re going to surprise you. And if you’re one of those people who says, “People betray me. I can’t trust people.” I have something to say:

LOVE THEM. Not for the faults of the past, but for the potential they show for the future. Look ahead, not back. If people betrayed you before, that’s unfortunate, but how likely is it that the next 8 random people cross you, without you doing a single thing?

People lock themselves (and usually their best selves) away as protection from hurt. As if it’s easier to love something with a piece missing with a facade of strength than something whole, truly strong for being vulnerable?

If you love them, they won’t betray you. And if they do, that’s their choice, for their reasons. Not because of your love. Don’t be so selfish. It’s on them, not you.

I want you to go out and love people. Make love, have love and be love.

Watch the treasures pile up.

Another look into a mindset

I’m heading out shortly, so I thought I’d put together a few more disjointed thoughts to see what’s going.

Please note the following first:

**  Jargon actually makes my head spin worse than ever. It used to just irk me, now I just plain don’t get it. There’s no reason to use a seperate vocabulary for doing normal everyday things.

Here we go.

There she is, fucking gorgeous. Let’s go make a new friend. Hey, I’m John it’s awesome meeting you. What’s your name? Oh, hey XXXX. WHOOOOOOSH. Just be John. Oh what do I do? I’m a…..pick one…..a writer. I write in a lot of genres. Watch the showy stuff. Be John, not the squiggle. Really, you’ve read YYYYY, I’m not really familar. But I’ll definitely pick it up. Stretch out the empathy, are you losing her? Yes, that’s it regain her. The rollercoaster goes back up the hill…Get your drink, we’ll sit down and chat…..Oh your friends are here? Easy there, don’t go too far. Don’t cross the streams. Sure, I’ll meet them. Hey, I’m John, XXXXX’s new friend. Awesome meeting you all. C’mon XXXX, let’s go have that chat. Did you see that creepy guy with your friend? Can’t believe people are like that? Isn’t it all chats and laughs and good times? Wierd. Oh well. The mind is going to detach for awhile and think about cartoons or laundry or something. No worries….XXXX you’re going in my phone. Right there between those two people. Awesome. Welcome aboard….Yes, I’d love to dance….Okay, brain’s back since we need to dance. Please break out groove and commence escalation. VICTORY!!

Cool?

Presenting the Obvious to Her

There you are, in the club, at the bar, wherever it might be. You’re having a good time. Maybe it’s not self-amusement deluxe, maybe it’s not massive lording, but you’re having a good time. Smiles abound.

And you spot her. She is HOT. Oh man, you immediately want to introduce your tongue to parts of her.

You’ve already said, “Yes.” mentally to the idea that you and she are going to have a little unclothed adventure, so what do you do?

Go and talk to her, obviously.

Commence chattery.  Conversation flows like water. Not because you’re gaming, but because you’re living.

That’s right. No gaming. Gaming died. You don’t game. You live.

But that’s for you. For her….maybe she’s not ready to abandon the elaborate doings of attraction.

SO LET HER.

Let her game you. No, not cause her to qualify. Let her do whatever she does to attract you. Let her flirt and tease, to a point. (That point being the line of cross-vs-do-not-cross). Let her run her game. It will be A+ material.

What’s the point? Why are you doing this? Because you need to let her reach that same conclusion you did. You need to let her reach her own, “Yes.” point.

Present the obvious to her, so that she can say, “Yes.”

Saturday….

Oh man, my brain’s doing like Mach 4 today….let’s do some bullet points:

• My new favorite song — Grounds for Divorce by Elbow. Their whole album “The Seldom Seen Kid” rocks hard.
• A virus-free computer is beautiful.
• My old style? I’d write fucking novels and take forever to make a point. Now? Totally laid back with a metaphor and rock-solid shit. Glory.
• There will be a “My First Year In the Community Post” shortly. Maybe today, maybe this week.
• My birthday is Thursday. If any ladies are reading this blog, nudity makes gifts better.
• Why am I not going out today? Dunno. Maybe I will….
• I’m working on a way to set up this blog for email announced updates.
• Bigger posts have been written, they just need to be typed

Check this out….

Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay. Had some crises to deal with.

I’m writing a quickie this morning, and when I get home later, I PROMISE YOU I will get my blog on.

But for now, check this thought out…..

Natural game isn’t something you switch to, it’s not another style, it’s the abolition of style. It’s the end of game and jargon and routine and the start of you, being you.

You don’t switch to natural game, you just stop gaming and start living.

How’s that for a morning thought. Discuss it in the comments!

Legacy, Or What Comes Next

People always want to know what the next step is, what the next goal is and what the next “thing” is. It’s a maddening quest to always do something, because for whatever reason, they only feel validated when they’re doing something.

I’m not saying goals aren’t important. I’m not saying goals aren’t an excellent way to track progress.  I am saying that having the wrong goals is as harmful as engaging in the wrong behavior.

But John, you’ll say, how can a goal be wrong? If it’s what I want to do, isn’t that good? Doesn’t that mean I’m living my values in an unobstructed way?

If your goal was to murder someone, do you think I would find that to be a good goal? Do you think anyone would find that to be a good goal? Goals are dictated by actions. Wrong actions lead to wrong goals. Wrong goals do not encourage growth.

Look at baseball cards. They track the career of a player. The whole career, through all the ups and all the downs. It’s not a snapshot of one particular night, but rather the entirety of what someone has done.

Legacy.

When someone retires or leaves, you may have individual memories of specific incidents (”the time old Jenkins shit on the copier”) but overall you’re going to speak and think of someone in broad terms (he was a good guy, wise and old).

The question becomes what is your legacy? Are you even considering leaving one?

As you go through and bang women, or master yet another company’s tactics or sit behind your keyboard and type out a big man’s lie, do you even consider how it’s going to be three days/weeks/months/years from now?

No, I don’t mean how other people will view it. But how will you view it?

Sex in the game is secondary. It’s a consequence, not the goal. The goal — better living. If you can’t see that, or can’t agree with it, re-evaluate and come back to me. It may take time.

Building your legacy is something you have an obligation to do, if you care one iota about anyone or anything past yourself.

What is a legacy?

It’s what you’re going to be known for, remembered for and thought about when you leave whatever you’re doing and go do something else.

Are you just going to be a flash-in-the-pan? Are you going to be a guy known to be helpful? Are you going to be an idiot who arrived on the scene, caused some hell and then left the place worse than when you found it?

How can you leave a better legacy?

Start living better. Help people. Support one another. Find your values and live them.

And for the record “hot girls” isn’t a value. It’s just something you like.

Start leaving a better legacy. Start today.

The ToolBox: Guidance

So I’m standing in Union Square, just getting some fresh NY air, and I’m watching people. It’s what I do. We’re fascinating apes when you get around to it, and I’m constantly amazed by the variety of people you see in a city block.

Breakdancers, fat girls thinking they’re thin, thin girls thinking they’re fat, dudes trying too hard to be not-themselves….and my new friends

Die-hard religious fundamentalists.

Let’s be clear: I don’t care what you believe in and I’m not about to force my views on spiritual matters at you.

However, I do care when people take it upon themselves to thrust their views (however broad or narrow) upon others, because they’ve made a conscious decision to think for you.

It’s one thing to give an opinion. It’s another thing to subject another person to your opinion.

You see a lot of this in the Community, minus the religious fervor.

Here’s the meat: People seek guidance when they believe the cannot guide themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking guidance. It can be helpful, life-saving and life-changing. But there comes a time when the external guidance MUST end. Internal guidance must be created, developed and allowed to prosper.

You can go to your guru, your source of knowledge, a billion times to ask a billion questions. And you’ll get answers. But what that guru wants is NOT to keep answering you. Not because he’s a jerkface who doesn’t value you, but because he wants you to start drawing your own answers. That’s the sign that he’s been an effective source of guidance.

The ability to tell yourself, “Oh XXXXXX is like that one situation in the past….this is what I can do to handle it…” is CRUCIAL.  Recognition of options and abilities is fundamental, and critical for success.

Because you’re going to go out into the world, and you’re not always going to have that guru handy.

So fundies…..

For screaming that what you believe is true…I applaud you. For having the courage to do it publically…I further applaud you.

But taking it too far, and determining that I NEED your guidance over my own? No thanks. Check please.

Developing your own guidance must come from more than one model. This is not to say that one set of beliefs is “better than others”, but it is far more educational to learn as much as possible from as varied a source as possible.  In the Community, this is not to say that you must learn from Company X and Company Z (especially when so many companies are so different)…but rather you must take the knowledge and value you learn and apply it in concert with the other stuff you know.

Guidance trumps the “magic pill”. Guidance removes that sheen of “w0w, that guy is soooo kewl!!! lolz!!” We’re just human after all, and we built ourselves to this point, just as one day you will too.

So how does one gain guidance?

Step 1: Find source material

Step 2: Apply source material

Step 3: Combine personal experience with source material

Step 1 is pretty easy. Depending on your particular interest, you can easily Google up some information on something.

Step 2 is also pretty simple. You take that information and go try it, as is. If it’s 5 words and a little dance, that’s what you do. No personalization. Just copying. You have to see if it works afterall.

Step 3 is the step that most people don’t get to. Why?  Because once people jump onto Step 2, and they (for a variety of reasons) experience failure, they deem it to be “garbage” and then go back to Step 1 with all new material.

This is the equivalent of eating one life of lettuce, not liking it, and then eating a radish.

Step 3 (Personalization) is the cornerstone of guidance. You take what someone else gives you, add your own experience – AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN.

Also, this eliminates the “X copying/ripping off Y” drama that seems to occupy children, fools and guys who spend too much time talking theory (under the guise of spreading knowledge, of course) Note — Hi Haters! Enjoy that piracy! Yes, we all know you do it.

If Guru X gives you material, the secret of it’s success is not in shameless, mindless repetition. That’s just an ego-feeder for the creator. The real genius is the guy who gives you examples and lets you create your own. Understand the material’s components, not it’s delivery system. By knowing the components, you can adapt it to suit you.

Example:  “Hi, I’m Tim, You’re cute and I had to come meet you.”

Yes, I could totally replace “Tim” with “John” and go repeat this 3000000 times a night. But do I know why that works? What are the components?

Spend some time dissecting it. Look at what it offers – Authenticity, Value, Direct Energy, Honesty.

Knowing the components I can transform this from repeating someone’s else line into my own:

“Hey, I’m John, it’s awesome meeting you.”

Self-guidance is one more self- that you need to add to your toolbox, along with self-belief, self-truct, self-esteem and self-sufficiency.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I look forward to a good week ahead.

With more bloggy goodness.

Stick VS Spear, Explained

I said this on the Nation — “If the spear has no point, it’s just a stick. Meeting people? Stick. Closing people? Spear“

So what the fuck does it mean?

It’s about direction, dedication and purpose.

Let us suppose you’re hunting an animal. You have a stick with you. Now, you can blindly, wildly and even somewhat aggressively use this stick. But there’s no sharp edge to it. You’re just going to poke your prey somewhat annoyingly.  You can call yourself a hunter, sure…but how’s that trophy room looking?

Now, take ten minutes to sharpen the edge of that stick. Make it a spear. Now your stick has purpose, and direction. It’s a spear. You know what to do with it. You bring stabbity-death to your prey. You’re no longer a nuisance, you’re lethal. You get what you want.

When guys go out (fuck “sarge”, stupid bullshit word…coward’s word), their intent, their purpose is to do what?

“I go out to have sex.”

You realize you can just get a hooker, right? Anyone can get sex, anywhere anytime.

I propose a new goal: LIVING YOUR VALUES. BEING ON YOUR PURPOSE.

What does this have to do with pickup?

Good question.

You know you can get laid. You know you can pull, and do well. There’s no longer this fear of “will it happen?” Oh, it’s going to happen. You’re a champ. So if sex is a given, do I need to pursue it so forcefully and selfishly?

Adjust your mind. Remember the attraction equation: A = HV + E

Your values, and your purpose are the HV. High Value. Value isn’t just in your penis. It’s in all you.

Your goals. Your passions. Your likes. Your desires. Your ambition. Your lifestyle. Value to the max.

When you’ve got that stick and you make a spear, you use a knife to cut away the wood, to shape it the way you want.

When you’ve got your life and you want to make it spear-sharp, you use self-analysis to find your values and shape it the way you want.

Finding your values makes your stick a spear.

No one fucks with a spear. It’s pointy and will cause injury. It’s an effective tool and not a toy.

A stick, it’s a piece of wood, harmless. Kids play with sticks.

To become that spear, it’s not about techniques or tactics or (gasp!) even sex. Because being a spear isn’t just for the clubs and bars. Like the NWO, it’s for life.

You’re the spear in your job. You’re the spear in your home. You’re the spear with the ladies. You’re a spear with your friends. Always a spear. A stick nevermore.

Lifestyles don’t clock out after a certain number of hours. Either live it or pretend it. Your choice. Stick that pretends to be a spear. Or sharpen up and become a spear.