Had a shitty day yesterday. So I took a short road trip.
Soundtrack song #1 — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJVkIgps_6o
Now, the plan was to go a town:
away
Pretty easy drive, just to chill.
Ever drive down the road and see those off-the-beaten path roads?
Imagine rolling down these dark Jersey roads in a convertible…top down armed with $10 in your pocket, a full tank of gas and one homeboy who’s inches from life-change….does it get better? Nope.
Right, so it’s supposed to be 20 minutes away. Two and a half hours later, we’ve managed to see the following:
- Wild West City
- The Land of Make Believe
- Waterloo Village
- A town called “Great Meadows” that’s about 3 blocks long, with no traffic lights
- We were on a major county road and saw no streetlights OR cops for 1 hour and forty minutes
What did we find?
A magical Dairy Queen staffed by hot girls, in a town that Google Maps isn’t helping me find. It was like a 20 minute oasis of confectionary delight.
Our total trip (one way) — 2 hours 29 minutes. Commence stats!
# of counties visited – 2
# of deer seen (and marked by screaming “DEER!”) – 9
# of attractive women found – 3 (all at Dairy Queen)
# of cows seen – 16
# of black cows seen (fight the power!) – 5
# of bats seen – 3
# number of cop cars seen – 4
# of times “Spartaaa!” was screamed while in “Sparta NJ” – 24
# of attractive women seen applying Vagisil while driving in Route 80 traffic jam – 1
# of giant stone tunnels driven through -3
# of times we opted to take the less-lit and less-travelled path – 15
# of guys with mullets seen – 1 (SCARY!)
# of epiphanies had by people in the car – 1 (LIVE YOUR VALUES)
# of times Jim urinated near plants or trees – 3
Sometimes, the best times aren’t the planned times.
