I realized this afternoon, as I was watching rain soak my lawn, that even in shitty weather, I love it. And through loving my lawn, I learned I have a capacity for love that far outstretches just some vagina or just the ability to get vagina.
This is probably going to be very headspacey, very mystical, and very very “hippy shit”. And that’s fine. You call it whatever you need to, I’m calling it something profound.
I started tying all the strings together.
Which strings?
- The basic backbone of spirituality and religion
- The fundamental drive in pickup
- The absolute best way to live life
- The feeling, that now I’m living life “correctly”.
Religion and spirituality aren’t divorced from pickup. Just because they are not active ingredients in the mix does not mean you, the spiritually motivated and centered person cannot apply those principles from your choice of belief systems. First though, you have to look past that all-too-often conclusion that “it’s just about sex”. It isn’t. Maybe for some people it is. But for some, it’s not. Painting life with such broad strokes is like saying everyone who works a job is in it for the money. Are they, really?
“Love your neighbor.” Yes, some literalists are going to say that pickup is all about actually loving your neighbor (and her daughter), but consider for a moment the basis of even that love. Sexual love, even in the most barbaric or most animal way is predicated on attraction. And attraction, distilled down has an element of love in it. (Are you attracted to people you truly hate?) You approach people out and about with love in your heart (that inner smile is love, kids) and love is everywhere. See? Religion isn’t the antithesis of sex. (Should I point out the variety of religions that advocated sexual worship as a way to enlightenment?)
All religions, even the remote ones encourage interconnectedness. An understanding of that relationship is CRUCIAL to pickup. If you don’t know the impact of your actions, if you’re clueless as the ripples in the pond one motion can cause, you’re going to end up missing something. Religion teaches us that. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to grow.
Do I advocate one religion over another? No, I want you to grow as people. The choice is yours.
The fundamental drive in pickup for new guys is “to get laid”. Sometimes, there’s a sob story or revenge tale to accompany that lust, but people get here to get their rocks off. But why then do people stay in it for years? Does it truly take YEARS to get laid? There must be something deeper, something more personal that keeps people around.
Love keeps people around. Love of the challenge. Love of the rewards. Love of the skills. Love of the women…love of the self they’ve discovered. Without love, you have no reason to stay. The frustrated don’t stick around too long, do they?
In living your life, whether that’s by a strict regimen, or by constantly evolving practices, you must always live by your values. Even if you cannot identify those values, you’re still living by them. (Giving them a name only gives them focus). Suppose you were to live in opposition to your values, there are still greater values that would guide you. No matter how great the rebellion you wage against the values of others imposed on you, there’s at least one value that keeps you going.
Love. You might hate the way you’re socially conditioned. Or you might hate the way your old man raised you. You might hate the way you live, or the habits you have….you might even hate living. You can even choose death, and there’s still love there — misguided, but you allege that you love people so much that you choose to not live. However, if you truly loved them, you’d understand that your absence would hurt, so therefore you must continue to love them. And yourself.
I spent YEARS (decades actually) trying to find the “right way” to live. I wanted to find some recipe or step-by-step manual to tell me what I had to. I wanted someone else to have done all the work, and all I had to was follow the footsteps. Fearful, anxious and feeling like I’d be constantly alone, I waited and spent too long looking for completion.
What I principally missed was love. I didn’t love myself, I barely loved people, and I certainly didn’t love any of the situations I was in. The situations I got myself into. The situations that I was shocked were happening. I did that to myself. All of it. All because I put my love in the wrong things. Very little (if any) went to myself, where it should have gone all along. I see that now, and as if by miracle, I’ve found a storehouse of love that keeps growing and growing and begs to be shared.
The best way to live? With love. It’s oxygen. Above all things, there is love. It’s key to every door. It’s the brick and mortar of all you build. It’s the fingerprints you leave behind. It’s your legacy. If you want to live “correctly”, embrace love.
Love yourself. Love others. Love all. Love without fear. Embrace all those changes, however scary. Get out there and live. Don’t wait for others to dictate, and certainly don’t wait for others to tell you what you love.
Love from square one. Love fully. That’s the best part of all this. There’s no meter or ideal ratio love. Whatever you put it, you get back a thousand times over. And if people don’t return that love…you have 2 options:
- Get angry, believe them to be idiots or unworthy of your love
- Give them more time
The supreme arrogance that #1 requires is staggering. Look at the pedestal you just put yourself on. How’s the air up there? Just knock that off. It’s making me laugh. Don’t be silly.
(hey that was 1000 words, let’s smile and reflect for a minute…)
People need time. Time if they’re going to do their best. Time if they’re going to surprise you. And if you’re one of those people who says, “People betray me. I can’t trust people.” I have something to say:
LOVE THEM. Not for the faults of the past, but for the potential they show for the future. Look ahead, not back. If people betrayed you before, that’s unfortunate, but how likely is it that the next 8 random people cross you, without you doing a single thing?
People lock themselves (and usually their best selves) away as protection from hurt. As if it’s easier to love something with a piece missing with a facade of strength than something whole, truly strong for being vulnerable?
If you love them, they won’t betray you. And if they do, that’s their choice, for their reasons. Not because of your love. Don’t be so selfish. It’s on them, not you.
I want you to go out and love people. Make love, have love and be love.
Watch the treasures pile up.
1 Comment
August 27, 2008 at 5:25 pm
A lot of things are not clear here. You haven’t defined what ‘love’ is. Whether is an emotion, or an action taken, whether it relates three-way (you, your neighbour and God-Logos-the infinite), the four different modes of love, etc.
Also, I don’t understand the connection you’re making with religion and pick up. I think there’s something disingenuous about you forming connections with these two. I would agree with you that religion is not the antithesis to sex, nor does it claim to be. The Judeo-Christian tradition for example, celebrates it, very graphically in the Song of Songs. However, the Judeo-Christian,while it celebrates sex, it condemns sexual promiscuity. There are many scriptural references that contradict your idea that ‘religion and pick-up are interconnected’, at least with the case of this tradition. And I use this as an example because this tradition has a text that people can refer to and are familiar with.
Also, are you sure it’s ‘love’ you’re sharing with that turbo blonde? If it’s love, can you share it with, say, a gay man who might need sex from you? Can you share it with a 65 yearold lady…a lady who hasn’t been experienced sexual pleasure in a long time? If not then, does that suggest that they are not attractive, and thus not lovable? If you are being zealous about sexual love and sharing it with as many girls as possible, then there should be some solid consistency here–if you say that having sex with numerous girls is just an expression of a burning, abundant love that desires to engulf indiscriminately, then it should not show favoritism to those turbo blondes. Enthusiasm should be present when having sex with a 70 yearold granny as it is when you’r ehaving sex with a 22 yearold hot college chick, no?
I’d like to believe what you wrote here, but I can’t help but think of it as hippy psychobabble-poetry. I think love is a deep thing, and it deserves more attention that you what you gave here.